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Luikart
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Name: Paul
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Chicago
Birthday: 8/24/1977
Gender: Male
Interests: God. Emily. Comedy. Art. Writing. Music. Homeless people (the heck you say? ..it's true.)
Expertise: Ha!
Occupation: Retired
Industry: Textiles
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/22/2005
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| I am growing a mustache.
Further bulletins as events warrant. | | |
| The fine people at Burnside Writers Collective let me publish another article on their site. Check it out when you can, right here. It's the one called The Difference Between Compassion and Justice or How I'm Going to Get My Masters Degree Without Going to School.
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| Okay, I can't leave the Huckabee name alone just yet.
Here are my campaign slogan suggestions for Mike Huckabee (and their demographic targets):
I heart Huckabee. (generic/pop-culture dorks)
I like Mike. (which he already uses...so, not so much a suggestion)
Huckabee's for me! (another generic)
Huckabee wannabe your president! (urban)
Huck. A. Bee. (bold capitalists)
Huckabible for President. (evangelicals)
Huckashe for President. (feminists...yep, that one'll get 'em all Republicanified)
Yuckabee for President. (people who hate bees.)
Huck n' Chuck. (Karate people. Like, you know, since Chuck Norris loves him so much and if Huckabee picked him as a running mate...)
Huckabee is a heckuvaguy! (lame-wads)
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| So, wow. Huckabee wins in Iowa. So does Obama. This is cool. I hope that ends up being the actual presidential race. We'll see. I know I like this Obama fella. He seems like presidential material. I like his fresh-faced perspective.
Although, with a name like Huckabee....it would be great to have him in office, just so at big deal events, like if he speaks at the UN or something, somebody will have to say, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United States...President...Huckabee!" Huckabee ranks right up at the top of the list called 'Presidential candidates who have not-so-dignity-filled-sounding names.' (I guess you could say the same for Obama. Maybe. Definitely he's under Huckabee though.)
Washington.
Jefferson.
Lincoln.
Roosevelt.
Huckabee.
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| Hillary: I'm sorry I said you used drugs.
Barack: I said I used drugs.
Hillary: Yeah, well, I'm sorry I said it.
Barack: I'm saying you don't have to say it.
Hillary: Well, I am.
Barack: Well, you don't have to.
Hillary: Fine. (turning to the American people) Barack Obama has admitted using performance enhancing drugs and his name came up in the Mitchell Report today, right after Miguel Tejada's.
Barack: Wait, what?!
Mike: You worship the devil.
Mitt: You're mean.
Mike: I'm sorry I said you worship the devil.
Mitt: I think it's okay to worship the devil or God or the recliner or a six pack of Coke. I am a Mormon, just like JFK.
Mike: JFK was Catholic...
Mitt: Oh yeah...
Mike...which means he worshiped the devil.
John: I have a poverty plan that'll really work for America.
Dennis: Shut ya yap. There's people all along the rust belt can't afford no haircut like the likes of you, you preppy-hair-cut-lovin'-hair-cuttin' MO-ron!
John: I need a good haircut.
Dennis: Just like the folks in Ohio need them some jobs! The only thing that pays in Cleveland these days is drag-races on the river where the Flats used to be! MO-ron!
John: My wife is recovering from cancer.
Dennis: Now the North Carolina Yuppie Monster wanna play the cancer card! Well, nobody's buyin', MO-ron! MO-ron!
Fred: I, uh...I was on TV. And, uh...I think TV is real. So, uh...this debate here...it's, uh...no debate. These, uh...these questions are rigged.
Moderator: (whispering) This debate is actually being televised, Mr. Thompson.
Fred: YOU'RE GONNA GET TELEVISED IN A MINUTE, MODERATOR, IF YOU DON'T STOP WITH THESE QUESTIONS! (cocks shotgun)
Moderator: (whispering) 'Televised' means it's on TV, sir.
Fred: YOU'RE ON TV!
Shotgun: KA-BLAM!
Moderator : (dies)
Fred: WHERE'S HUCKABEE?!! (cocks shotgun again)
Ron: My last name is a first name. Call me Ron. Call me Paul. Whatever. Ron or Paul. Either or. Paul or Ron, Ron or Paul. Mr. Paul or Mr. Ron. Ronpaul. Paulron. I like that one. Paulron. I'll just put a 'the' in front of it. The Paulron. The Paulron is coming! Beware! Ha. Well, whichever you like. Ron. Paul. Ronp. Aul. Paulr. On. Whichever. Whichever.
Chris: Um. Nobody's here.
Ron: Who are you?
Chris: Chris Dodds.
Ron: Who?
Chris: Chris Dodds. I'm running for president. I'm a Democrat.
Ron: I'm R Onpaul. or Ronpa Ul. Whichever you prefer. Whichever. Whichever.
Chris: Have you seen the other Democrats?
Ron: I'm the PAULRON! I BREATH SMOKE AND FIRE! Hee-hee. The Paulron.
Chris: Maybe the debate's tomorrow night. Are we in Iowa right now?
Newt: Nice name.
Barack: Same to you.
Hillary: Nice names.
Newt and Barack: Nice pantsuit.
Mike: I'm from Arkansas.
Hillary: Me too...I mean New York! New York! That's my homestate! That is where I hail from! Hail to the chief! Me! The chief from New York! Everybody hear that? New York!
Dr. Dobson: We need somebody who is pro-life in office.
Democrats: We tend to be against capital punishment.
Dr. Dobson: Hey, now. Not that kinda pro-life. I mean real pro-life.
Bill: My wife is running for President. You oughta vote for her.
Jennifer: You know what, maybe. Maybe.
Bill: Let's kiss.
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